Please note: For what they are worth, these comments represent Debbie’s opinions and perceptions based upon her own experiences and must be understood as such. Thank you…

Al-anon is a resource for anyone who has a family member or friend who struggles with alcohol.  Its program offers comfort and support for you when you have tried and failed to do something about another person’s drinking.

It’s a pretty interesting concept, really. It assumes that the alcohol problem is a family problem.  It understands that the attitudes and behaviors of those of us who have an alcoholic in the family can change, and when they change all the other dynamics change too. It is a powerful and subtle tool to aid an alcoholic to recover.

I think the major thing that Al-anon provides is perspective. It helps you to look at things a bit differently and understand which part of the situation is yours…and what part is the drinker’s responsibility.  It helps you control and calm the anxiety when you run out of options for what to do next.

It helps you see how completely useless your past efforts may have been.  And it helps you see in what ways you may be doing more harm than good.  It helps you take an honest look at the situation. It helps you find the serenity and balance you need in order to discover what parts of the situation you can change. It is a way to stop prolonging the drinking and the agony.

Do you think doing that takes courage?  You bet it does.  But Al-anon is a place to get the facts about your role in the sickness of alcoholism and find out how to impact your family’s recovery.  You can also find a sponsor there, someone who can support you on a personal level while you struggle with all this.

Al-anon helps you come to terms with the 3-C’s: You didn’t CAUSE it, you yourself can’t CONTROL it, and you can’t CURE it.  But you CAN influence and enable the alcoholic to come to terms with what he needs to do to change.  When that happens, you can make a profound difference by encouraging the alcoholic to reach out and ask for help.  Al-anon can help you “get ready” for that moment and know what to do when it comes.

You can find Al-anon meetings on the web.  They are available online, 24/7/365.  Start at al-anon.org.  Try it out. Go to at least 6 meetings.  See what happens…dhc

Please note: For what they are worth, these comments represent Debbie’s opinions and perceptions based upon her own experiences and must be understood as such. Thank you…

Here are more of my thoughts about the Fellowship of AA.

1. What are chips all about?

Well, they are a way for the AA program to demonstrate its commitment to you and to mark your progress with the challenge of sobriety.  They are a way of making a public announcement of how successful you have been. In the beginning, you pick up a chip; If you have made it 30 days, you often pick up another chip. (These are, most of the time, poker chips, just round plastic disks, a size you can put in your pocket.) Then, as time goes on, you pick up a yellow chip, a blue chip, a red chip, etc.  The colors are not set in stone, and the idea of having chips at all is not mandatory.  Some groups have them, some do not.

As you walk around with a chip as your pocket piece, it reminds you of AA’s faith in you and in your success.

Sometimes, if someone picks up a chip signifying long sobriety, say 10 years or more, there will be a tiny presentation ceremony and a great deal of applause and merriment.

2. What are the steps?

Well, the AA principles of sobriety are built on 12 steps that people who “work the program” believe in.  The founders of AA (1936, Mr. Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob) figured out the steps as being the way to move yourself from addiction to sobriety.  Most people who are successful in AA understand that they are alcoholic even if they have been sober in the program for 30 years.  They understand that they are just one step away from beginning to drink again, and most of them study and meditate on the steps daily. The steps are challenging, of course. And difficult to carry out. Some are harder than others. For example, for one of the steps you must make an honest and fearless inventory of the names of all people you have wronged.  Does this sound like an exercise in humility?  You bet!  Good for the soul and good for your future sobriety.

3. What is a sponsor?

A sponsor is a person who has been in the fellowship for a while and a person whom others look up to as having been successful at getting and maintaining sobriety. It is a person who is available to you, on a personal confidential basis, to help you maintain sobriety. The sponsor knows the steps and knows you, too. Their job is to keep you on track with your sobriety, and remind you that you do not struggle in isolation.  The relationship with a supportive sponsor feels like unconditional love; it is an experience in self-discovery and helps you build confidence in your ability to learn, grow and change.

AA was invented long before it became fashionable to seek psychotherapy.  It used to be a last stop on the train of desperation.  Not sure it is that for everyone today.  Culture and society have changed.  But here is an interesting idea:  Some people have said that AA is the best place to go for healing therapy, even if you don’t exactly have an addiction…. dhc

Please note: For what they are worth, these comments represent Debbie’s opinions and perceptions based upon her own experiences and must be understood as such. Thank you…

Photo by Art Bennett, 24 years clean and sober

If you are curious about Alcoholic Anonymous, here is some information.  I have attended hundreds of meetings over the years that I was married to a member of the fellowship.  Prior to meeting him, I had known nothing about the group, so I learned a lot on a fast-track during those years.  In any event, I wanted to provide my informal impressions, in case they are valuable to you.  You can get official info about AA from internet sources, including but not limited to: [https://www.aa.org]

AA is a fellowship of men and women who have a desire to stop drinking.  There are no dues or formal membership rolls, and it is open to anyone. Group meetings take place everywhere in the world and of course, right now most meetings are virtual.  This means that you can attend a meeting 24/7/365 without leaving home.  Go to [https://aa-intergroup.org/oiaa/meetings/] where you can instantly locate a meeting.

Meetings are generally open to anyone whether or not you have a drinking problem, although some meetings are designated closed, meaning that they should be attended only by those who think of themselves as having a drinking problem.

Meetings can take several formats, including:

• speaker meetings, meaning that someone will be giving a speech about their experience, strength and hope regarding their struggle with alcohol.
• discussion meetings, where a subject is chosen, for example, “gratitude,” or “change,” or “forgiveness.” And people offer comments and their thoughts on the subject.
• study meetings, including Big Book or 12-step study, where the AA literature is read and discussed.

There are also meetings which are gender-specific, for the comfort of those who attend.

While there are no fees to participate, most of the time a hat is passed at the end of the meeting and those who wish, or can afford it, put in up to $1.  AA discourages people from putting in more money because they do not want anyone to take ownership of the process.  The money is used to buy such things as coffee for the gatherings. This is a volunteer-run organization and people do not earn a salary for running a meeting.

What can you expect to happen at a meeting?

With very few exceptions meetings will last one hour.  If you hear names of the participants, they will be first names only; no last names are used. The principle of anonymity applies in the meetings and in the group as a whole. No one is allowed to “out” anyone by telling others that they have been seen at a meeting.  It is the choice of any member to decide if, when, how and why they will reveal to another person that they participate.

Most of the time at the beginning or the end of a meeting someone will make general announcements and it could be that a prayer is repeated.  Sometimes the group will stand up and hold hands in a circle. At the end they may say an encouraging phrase such as, “keep coming back.”

Then people may begin to chat or help to fold up the chairs or get another cup of coffee.

It should be noted that it is not necessary for you to speak at a meeting at all. You may remain silent, and if your turn should come around, you can simply say, “I pass.”

Often times there are one or two persons who take it upon themselves to greet newcomers and offer them information or literature about the program.  The point they make is that everyone is welcome and it is not necessary to say anything about who you are, where you come from or why you are there.

Sometimes during a meeting chips are distributed.  It is an interesting process. More about it and sponsors/sponsees in the next blog. …dhc