Change My World

Please note: For what they are worth, these comments represent Debbie’s opinions and perceptions based upon her own experiences and must be understood as such. Thank you.

…Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world…Today I am wiser… so I want to change myself.

So, what do you think? Are these words of wisdom? I think they might be…

The whole question is, should the world adapt to who I am? Or should I try to understand the world and how I fit into it?

For me, the blame game is gone. Bickering and arguing with my loved ones has stopped. Now I know that the bickering and arguing is my issue, my fault. How can this be?

Well, just the fact that I participate is on me. I had never looked at it this way before. It was always, “How could he…?!???”

I know this kind of change does not happen overnight. He will continue to try to push my buttons… but it is up to me to decide how I react.

Some days are good now. I am able to stop dwelling on it. I now can focus on myself. I plan for myself. At my age, doing 2 or 3 things is enough. It is all A-OK. I no longer have to complete a long to-do list. (And then beat myself up because I did not get it all done.)

The question is, “How do I teach this to my grandchildren, to the youngsters in my life? (I know I have already modeled the wrong thing for my own kids; I acknowledge that it is too late to teach them. Darn it!) But the question is, “How do I set boundaries without being rude? How do I meet my own needs without repressing others?”

I think the answer to this involves consistency. Often times, someone who grew up rough never learned this: the idea of doing your share, taking responsibility for chores, learning compassion at home.

Learn that the behavior of others is “what it is”.

‘I do not have to be offended when other people say or do things to annoy me. I can choose to take it personally and get hurt by it… or not. To understand that, back then, when “it” happened, I was a child. And because I was a child I did not have forgiveness, understanding, and compassion modeled for me.’

SPEAKING TO YOU NOW:

How can any of this be your fault? It can’t. You were a child, not a responsible adult. That means that you must forgive yourself and no longer hold yourself accountable. Then you can move on from the circumstances and forgive them.

Even though it can be extremely difficult, you must begin to look for the positive. When your heart begins to heal from the wounds, then you can begin to see your authentic self. I know that when the person who was supposed to protect you did not/or could not do it, you crave that protection all your life. You look for it everywhere, from parents, from siblings, from your spouse, from friends. Then, one day, you realize you must be your own protector.

When I went through this process, I suddenly recognized that it was The Plan of the universe, and I came to feel at peace. The guilt was gone. And it took the hurt with it.

Now I see things more clearly. My tears come from my new understanding. I am now in a whole different place. —dhc